My lesson in 2008: Perseverance

What a shitty lesson. I hope I got it down, I hope I figured it out and am now ready to move on to a less painful, less humbling lesson.

There are a lot of things to be thankful for in this life, sometimes they are hard to see, and sometimes they are so small we forget to recognize them for the glimpses of awesomeness that they are.

And yet....

It is a fine line between getting bogged down in the minutiae of life and seeing the small
things that are so wonderful. I have been on both sides of that one this year. See how small that line is????

The million dollar question that got me through this year:

Will this matter next week? (sometimes it does)

month? (rarely it does)

year? (what happened last year???)

Usually the answer was no, and that got me through to the next day. Even when sometimes, I did not really want to see what tomorrow held for me.

But everyday, I persevered. I got up, showered (usually), dressed (almost always), and took care of my family (of course, always).

In the midst of not being able to pay bills, feeling frustrated or filled with self loathing, I still laughed at my kids when they shoved things up their noses: panicked when I was not sure those somethings would come out of their noses, and life moved on. Beautifully timed just not always on my time.

Perseverance through the tough times while still appreciating the fact that we have good friends, good laughs and a good relationship. The yin and the yang, tha has been this year for me.

A year of humbly and very gratefully accepting help from friends. Feeling sad that I need help and so very happy that I have people who want to help.

What a blessing this year has been. But, um, since I have it all figured out now, can we move on to the lesson of having to much???

Graduate of the School of Hard Knocks,

Gabbi

Happy Christmas!

I always know...

when one of my sisters boys have been over. I find random little things like this:

Just letting me know they were there to leave their mark on my little territory.

Thankful they don't spray,

Gabbi

oh FINE!

Okay, I will get Sampson a haircut already. SHEESH!

Hmmm, Sampson and a haircut...interesting thought. Brings back bible school memories....

Grace brought Sampson in with a couple of pigtails and I had to finally break down and admit, it is time for a trim.

Avoiding the issues,

Gabbi

That was great...

Last night we celebrated our Christmas with Denai's family and it was wonderful. Boisterous and loud and all around fabulous.

Ted bullshitted with the guys, drank some beers and did not have a good time; he had an EXCEPTIONAL time.

Grace felt included with the adults. Sam who has gotten over his shy-ness climbed on people's laps, gave hugs and cuddles. It was exceptional.

Plus, our arms were filled with goodies when we left. Home made hot fudge in a jar, pumpkin pie and homemade dinner rolls. Of which I have already snarfed one down for breakfast...YUMMY! Plus I managed to filch some milk before I left. I forgot to pick up milk and diapers the other day, as I mentioned in a previous blog. Denai again saved my hide. I owe her huge!

We arrived home with full bellies, fuller hearts and more than a little exhausted!

Today, Grace is off to her Dad's folks place to have Christmas gift debauchery all over again with them. Lucky girl. While she is gone, I think Ted and I are going to tackle her grody room. I will clean, am going to stop at the old Home Depot to grab her an area rug because she always complains her floor is cold. Ted is going to mount her tv to the wall and I am going to get rid of some clutter. It is going to be a lot of work. I am not sure how one little girl manages to accumulate so much crap, but she does. Can we say "SPOILED"??? In a good way, of course.

Anyways, I have to get ready to make the over an hour trip to do the kid swap and I have to drop Sam off at G-mas.

Looking forward to a good day,

Gabbi

Inadequate????

This morning I celaned my kitchen, it looked great. The gifts were wrapped, a last minute run to the store, some bonding with the niece....and now, I am self medicating because I am on the verge of a meltdown.

Sam has had 5 diarrhea poops and a bad rash, which tells me he is teething...AGAIN. And totally explains the punching for no reason and the massive amounts of crying, again for no reason.

Grace turned into the "nothing is ever right I hate you people" girl. Oh yes, pouting and door slamming ensued.

Ted left to go drop off Kenz and I called my mommy. She came over, whisked away Miss Grace for a night of grandma nurturing that only grandma can do just right. Secretly, I wish grandma (mom to me) had taken me instead.

I ended up with some severe cramps and a messy kitchen.

But to bad, because I give up! I am overdone! I am officially off-duty! Okay, except for Sam. But since it is Christmas Eve I can find a cartoon pretty much on any channel. Hooked him up with a sippy of milk and a pacifier and he's all good.

Mommy meltdown. I have taken the Tylenol PM and am now relaxing and enjoying a bunch of super fabulous blogs. To the other bloggers out there, thank you so much for blogging. For sharing for letting others peek into your lives, and your brains and for giving me hope. Hope that I am not the only one who has a messy house and a good-enough attitude and that is is all okay. Bless you! I needed you tonight and there you were. Better than therapy.

Tearing up at the 'puter,

Gabbi

Happy Christmas Eve

HI All, Hope your Christmas Eve is going well. Mine has been very laid back. I got to spend some time with my niece and that was really nice. I enjoyed her company. I made last minute run to Target, yikes, it was PACKED! I had to park at the end of the lot. Holy last minute shoppers. I needed cat food, t.p. and batteries, the essentials....HA! I succumbed to some impulsive shopping, but I still stayed well under $100 and that is impressive anytime you go to Target, much less on Xmas Eve! you can just call me the Master of My Own Checkbook.

Items I was absolutely unable to resist:

*footie pajamas for Grace (come on, who could say no to those?!?! plus they were on clearance for $9.08)

*A stove top popcorn maker for Ted (no worries, he doesn't read the blog, well, at least he says he doesn't, he totally could though. Again, on clearance for $11.48)
*A puzzle for Sam (it is educational!)

That is about it, then of course, I got the things I went for, except....

DIAPERS!

Duh! I was bedazzled by the holiday cheer and forgot about old poopy pants at home. Oh well, to late now, I hope I have enough to get me through tomorrow otherwise I will have to $79.95 for 3 diapers at the only open store...the gas station. No good.

"Sam, honey, can you hold it for a little while?"

Somehow I do not think that will work out for me.

Anyways, Ted is making homemade pizza for us and afterwards the kids get to open one gift each. Of course, I get to choose the gift

SPOILER ALERT:

(it is pajamas)

then we will take pictures in front of the tree.

Good times.

I am super excited because I saw my gift already. Grace got me a box of Godiva chocolates! I have never gotten a box of Godiva chocolates before, only sampled one when we go to the Mall of America once or twice a year. Very cool gift.

I also let the girls have the Webkinz I bought them. It was Kenzee's first and it was great! She was so excited. Her and Grace played for 2 hours on the computer, nicely taking turns and then came downstairs and wrestled the crap out of each other in the living room. True sisters. Don't worry, I have pictures to post later!

Happy Christmas to you and yours!

Lovin' the Holidays,

Gabbi

Where the hell are the cookies???

It is the EVE of Christmas EVE, I am in an office full of women, and there is not a cookie to be had.

What the hell?

Needin' a sugar fix,

Gabbi

To each and every thing under heaven, there is a season

Sam is officially moving out of our bedroom.

I am feeling nostalgic and kind of sad, but the boy has ended his days of waking us up because one of us rolled over and hampered our sex life for 21 long months.

For sure I am going to cry tonight, that will turn into full out bawling if he cries when I put him to bed in his crib in a new room. Okay, so his crib will be right outside our bedroom door. It is not like he is moving far; just to a warmer room where hopefully, he will sleep through the night and not need 2 large quilts on him to stay warm.

Our bedroom is heated by a wood burning fireplace and sometimes, gets chilly. We all have the appropriate sleepwear and bedding. But alas, at some point during the night Mr. Sam kicks them off and has not yet mastered covering himself back up. It is much easier to crawl out of his crib, stand next to my sleeping face and joyfully yell "I DID IT" with his arms spread wide. As sweet as that is, at 2 am I am a cranky mama bear and not in the mood to celebrate his newfound skill.

We have had 21 months of not even trying to crawl out of the crib, we were long over due. But it is still a milestone that tells me my baby boy is getting older. And now, a new room for him.



This is harder for me than for him, I am sure. I better take some tylenol pm tonight just to ensure I am to exhausted to sneak into his room and whisk him to my own bed for a good cuddle.

The other day I was looking at his hands and fingers and how big they have gotten. It made my mind wander to when he becomes a man and that these are the hands that will love his wife and caress his children's faces. Whoa. I hope we are teaching him how to be a good, attentive and loving parent.

So thankful to have the opportunity to be a mama,

Gabbi

BFF

So, today Amanda stopped by and told me a story that made me immediately tear up while pumping my fist in the air and a chorus of angels sang Hallelujah!

This is how it went:

Amanda: You know when I drove Grace to school the other morning?
Me: Yep.
Amanda: Well, something happened that was super sweet and I have to tell you.
Me: Okay.
Amanda: Kenzee asked Grace who her best friend was, and without skipping a beat, she said "my mom."

Oh dear Lord in heaven, could I be any more blessed???? My ten year old thinks I am cool enough to be her BFF!!!!!!! Even after all the fights about inappropriate music, to-early bedtimes, cleaning her room, and her eye rolling and sassing. Okay, fine, and my eye rolling and sassing (she had to learn it somewhere) she still says I am her best friend. Wow. I am going to enjoy it now, because when puberty hits, I realize I will be Public Enemy Number One. As it should be. But for today, I am BFF Mom and I am going to savor it. I will need these memories later in order to ensure I don't kill her in her teenager sleep.

In my totally un-biased opinion, Grace is one of the most creative and funny and awesome kids to have ever been born and I am so lucky to call her my daughter.

Enjoying the best Christmas gift I have ever received,

Gabbi

I can't believe she just said that!!!

Riding in the car last night on our way home from buying groceries Grace and I were having a conversation about school that went something like this:

Me: How was school today?
G: Good.
Me: What was your favorite part?
G: We played Survivor in gym.
NOTE: Survivor is a game that is a lot like Dodgeball...GROAN
Me: Did your team win?
G: No, we played girls against boys.
Me: So, the girls lost?
G: Yea, cuz of those stupid girly-girls.
Me: They weren't playing?
G: No! And I just wanted to yell at them and say "STOP BEING SUCH GIRLY GIRLS, PLAYING WITH YOUR NAILS AND CHUCK SOME BALLS!"

Did I ever mention that Grace hates to lose?

Here's to competitive girls,

Gabbi

Did you grow up poor?

I sure did. And to this day, buying groceries is the most satisfying thing I do. I remember not having groceries when I was little. My mom had good friends who would bring us groceries sometimes and that was really great. But it was always things they would love to eat; not necessarily things a nine year old would want to eat. So, every other week when I buy the gorceries my kids and I want to eat I get a huge feeling of satisfaction.

I get the same feeling when I pay my bills. We might not have a lot of extra money, but our bills are paid. Mostly on time. That makes me feel good. I also remember laying in bed at night when I was little worrying how we would pay the rent or the electric bill. I make sure my ten year old has no reason to worry about those things. Those are my concern(and Teds), not hers. Every other Friday when I go online and pay bills, again, I get a warm fuzzy feeling.

In this time of financial worry, I am thankful for the small things.

Feeling blessed,

Gabbi

Yikes

The holidays are looming just on the horizon...like a big giant alien mothership coming to invade our planet, daze our children with all things sparkly and meltdown the adults in a volatile combination of stress, to much egg nog and christmas cookie psychosis. Does anyone else have a holiday like that?

Actually, this year has been very low key for us. I made Christmas Treat Baskets instead of buying gifts. This was done for a few reasons 1. I am broke 2. Grace and I have had fun doing it 3. I wanted Christmas to be more personal this year. I am pretty sure we acheived all three objectives.

I have had some mishaps along the way; Almond Butter candy that tasted like almonds in butter (not my fave) Fudge that turned into a rock, burnt white chocolate in the bottom of my favorite Pampered Chef pan....oh yea, that ticked me off. I have learned some good baking lessons, and that is what life is all about anyways. Trust me, you will never see me using another recipe that requires a candy thermometer...EVER! My dreams of being a chocolatier went down the drain with the scalded white chocolate.

Honestly, I realized we have zero plans for Christmas day...ZERO! Okay, except the whole get up and open gifts thing....other than that ZERO! I do think I am going to take the kids to a Christmas Eve Service at my church...oh yes, I said "my church" how weird is that??? Okay fine, one visit does not a member make me, but everyone has to start somewhere. Seriously, since going to that one service, every day I have been thinking about God and my relationship. I realize that I am a believer and that this is something I need in my life. I know it is not for everyone, but I think given my childhood with religion being a huge domineering part of my life, to have no church home as an adult, just does not suit me. I read in a daily devotional (yes, I have a daily devotional) that God is on the sidelines of our life cheering us on. Good analogy, and one that has worked for me this week. Everyday i thought God is my cheerleader and today I am going to be uber productive, and I have been. Now, that could be the spirit of God or the power of positive thinking, but if you get right down to it, aren't they the same thing? The Holy Spirit could quite possibly be our own spirit...something to ponder.

Tomorrow is casual day at work, my favorite day of the week. Well, my favorite day of the WORK week.

Thinking about bigger and better things,

Gabbi

The weekend

Saturday morning Grace and I baked cookies. Today I went to Amanda's and she gave me an Oreo Truffle that she made and my cookies were put to shame. As in, you sit in the corner and think about what you did kind of shame. I wolfed two down and then got a tummy ache. But it was totally worth it. I moaned in ecstacy. For real. HEAVEN!

Speaking of Heaven; I went to a new church this weekend. It is called Five Oaks Church. WOW! I was blown away, this was like no church I have ever been to. It was a whole experience. Movie screens, bands with electric guitars, soft lighting, a good message; it was awesome! We will be going back next Saturday at 4:30, feel free to join us. We can get all holy together ( :

Other than that, my weekend was pretty uneventful. The usual cranky kids, sweet kids, lover -upper kids, hungry kids, thristy kids, bored kids, the whole gamut. Yes, i spent lots of time with the chilluns.

I did attempt a walk with Amanda. We crossed the street and came right back because it was so freezing cold, I think my glasses froze to my face.

I also drew cute little Christmas trees on our christmas letter.

How's that for productive?

Gettin' God,

Gabbi

Let's Try Something New

This is one of my favorite sites to check out. They update every Sunday and I look forward to it every week.

http://postsecret.blogspot.com/

Contemplating my own postcard,

Gabbi

Yummy recipe

This recipe, not sure if I posted it before, but if I did, it deserves repeating!

Amanda's Meat and Potato (Putatah) Pie

2 frozen pie crusts (thawed) (I like Pillsbury in the red box)
1 lb hamburger (thawed)
1 small onion (chopped)
1 tablespoon minced garlic
2 cans of sliced potatoes (Putatahs)
4-5 slices of Swiss Cheese

In a nine inch pie pan roll out one of the pie crusts. Put you thawed (raw) hamburger in the bottom. I just kind of mash it in there. Add onions and garlic. Drain your potatoes (putatahs) and throw them on top. I usually throw some salt and pepper in here, but it is totally optional. Then layer you cheeses slices. I use five, but feel free touse more and feel free to use a variety of cheeses. Then take the other pie crust and lay it on top, pinch the edges together, and cut 4 slits in the top of the crust. Bake at 375 for 45 minutes (or so) and then let it sit for 10 minutes before serving.

MMMM MMMM MMMMMM!

Gabbi

Note to self:

DO NOT EAT COOKIES AND PIZZA FOR LUNCH!

Bad idea,

Gabbi

New Category: Kids are funny

My sister Randi used to have a daycare and she brought me a HUGE basket of kids books for Sampson. Every night he pulls out new books from the basket and we read. Well, last night he pulls out this adorable book called "I want a cuddle!"





"I want a cuddle" is an adorable book about a little baby bunny who falls down, gets an owie and wants a cuddle. All the other forest animals are trying to give him a cuddle but none is right, he needs his mama.





It is so heartwarming and sweet, and then I get to the last page of the book and this is what I see:

My sister has 5 kids of her own and countless daycare kids; who knows who wrote this, but I am thankful they did because it made my day to picture a little kid so mad scribbling out "just right" and writing in HORRIBLE!

Kids rock,

Gabbi

Interesting

So, the last week or so Ted has been making comments such as

"We have a pretty good life, you know"
"I am so thankful I met you."
"Our kids are the funniest kids on earth"
"I really love you."
"How did you like getting to sleep in? Here, I brought you a cup of coffee."
"Yes, I brought the Christmas tree up and all the decorations before you got up, you had a rough evening. See, don't you feel loved?"

Okay, what the hell is going on? Trust me, I am like a kitten and a saucer of milk chugging it down, but still, slightly confused and maybe a little bit suspicious.

Has he been SCROOGED? Visions of his demise and all kinds of other bad stuff? Seriously, Ted has always been a good guy, but this week he is really going for the gold.

Another odd item, last night Ted and I were watching TV and he was flipping through the channels. Lifetime Movie aka crap, Sci-fi original aka more crap, Joel Osteen.....pause....more pausing.... clicker gets put down, that is a definite stoppage of channel surfing! Me sneakily peeking at Ted from the corner of my eye, him seeing me, and looking at me and shrugging his shoulders and turning back to the TV. We actually watched the whole show together. We bonded over a TV Evangelist....WHO KNEW!!!

Now, I am not a big one for TV Evangelists, but I do enjoy Mr. Osteen, albeit sometimes I have to take it with a grain of salt because I realize he is a preacher of the times. Giving the message we all want to hear of "I'm okay, you're okay." Except, that I BELIEVE "I'm okay, you're okay." That is my kind of God, loving, fogiving, no hell fire and damnation. Seriously, no matter how bad your kid is, could you set them ablaze??? I couldn't. (Okay, I am not talking Hitler or Charles Manson here people) Anyways, I appreciate his messages for what they are about, which is the power of positive thinking and having faith and being hopeful.

For the whole time I have known Ted, he has out and out rejected any discussion of church or preachers or anything like that because "God and I have an understanding." What that understanding is, I do not know. But sitting next to him last night watching a TV preacher and enjoying the message of being thankful and speaking TO our problems and not ABOUT our problems, telling them they will not defeat you, you will overcome and this setback does not change your future of success. Overcoming obstacles and being positive. This was a message we both needed to hear, and to witness Ted nodding his head in agreement and then later that night trying to use positive speaking when dealing with his ex, trying to lift her up instead of pointing out all of her shortcomings, I was really proud. I texted him today and said that I kept thinking about that show and being positive and I am having a really good day, and he responded "Me too". Huh, I guess you just never know what is going to happen.

God is good,

Gabbi

Kids are funny!

Mondays are Graces share day at school. This morning she pulls out her three ring binder from preschool that shows her progress over the time she was there, it has pictures of her, pictures she drew, all kinds of fun stuff. So, she tells me she has to take one picture out before she can bring it to school. I asked her why and she tells me to look closely at the picture. So I did and this is what I saw:




I laughed so hard!

Kids are funny as heck,

Gabbi

Totally stolen from another blog

Meredith blogged about what her Fantasy Girls Night Out would be like. You should read it, good humor. Anyways I have totally ripped off her idea and have posted my own partial list of my Fantasy Girls Night Out Attendees.

I would invite:

Queen Latifah and then beg her to be a part of my family because she seems to have it all together.

Goldie Hawn just because she is awesome. I love her laugh and that she has been not-married to the same guy for so many years.

Ellen cuz she is so funny! And I love it when she dances. I used to be super shy and self conscious about my dancing until I was on maternity leave with Sam and I watched Ellen a lot during middle of the night feedings. She inspired me to shake my groove thang whenever I get the chance, and I do. Plus, I bet she would teach me some moves.

Adele because she seems kind of sad, and I think I could cheer her up. Plus, her song about when her day is bad she has no room in her bed, is hilarious and so true.

Lindsey Lohan, because she needs a good slap from Queen Latifah and a fresh pair of panties to cover her girl-junk. She would act like a fool and then the rest of us could talk trash about her all night. Plus, Ellen could probably talk to her about how devastating it can be to pretend you are gay, or help her decide she is for really-real gay or whatever, either way, she needs a mentor.

Drew Barrymore seems like a super good choice. True wild child.

Beyonce because I would totally make her sing karaoke!

Liv Tyler, I bet she would know how to have a good time.


Okay, that is all I can think of right now.

What a fun challenge!

Partyin' in my own mind,

Gabbi

Odd Day

I wonder if there is a full moon or a planet in retrograde or something else cosmic going on. My mood has been off today and I had a headache that took me down for awhile. I even took a nap today, which is really unlike me. I usually cannot nap but my head was hurting so much i needed to just rest for a little bit. The other crazy thing, Sam took a 4 hour nap! In the immortal words of Miss Grace "What the heck?!?!"

I dropped a lot of things today, cups, plates, food, all kinds of things. I made banana bread and the loaves stuck to the bottom of the pans because I forgot to grease them. I made a candy called Almond Butter and then was shocked when it tasted like almond and butter and not a whole lot else. Yea, let me know if you hate either of those things so that they don't end up in your Christmas basket. Ha ha, ok, I am not kidding. Speak now or be pissed later.

My mom went to the dollar store and got me 3 kitchen towels. That was awesome. I only had 2 kitchen towels. Now that I am cooking more, I really needed some kitchen towels. Funny, how something you have not had in the lots of years you have been living on your own becomes super important.

Grace had her Christmas concert last night. It was so packed I could not get a seat, I had to stand in the hallway, but thankfully I had a clear view of her. But afterwards, Grace was mad at me and told me I did not watch her concert enough. Can I win? Not really. It kind of mad me feel a little defeated. Grace has this thing where sometimes she is just not satisfied with anything. I wonder where she gets that from...hmmm, it could not be me, could it??? She wouldn't talk to me on the car ride home and told me how awful I was for not watching, and I tried really hard to be patient and explain that I could see her the whole time and that I did miss the play part, but she wasn't even in that part. And that not talking to someone is kind of a mean way to deal with things and that next year we will just have to be sure to get there earlier and that is the best I can do for her. But inside, I kind of wanted to slap her. Seriously. By the time we got home and in the house, she was laughing and talking again. All is well.

Okay, gonna go to bed.

Malcontent (good word, huh?),

Gabbi

Warning! Poop Ahead!

Before:

After:

Only when you are a parent is pooping such an exciting thing!

Bowel Movement Monitor,

Gabbi