I have a fairly recent discovery of something I really love...
HUMMUS!
Especially, Sun Dried Tomato Basil Humus, and Garlic Hummus.
Who knew a little chick pea could bring me so much delight?
Now,I gave some to Sam on a cracker; he cried, did a raspberry and then gave me a very very mean look. Maybe this is an adult taste? I don't really think so, I think Sam is just a nerd.
On the other hand, Grace tried it and said it was so-so.
I have raised some truly uncultured kids. HA HA HA
I am working on broadening my own horizons. Thursday, I am going to lunch with 2 good friends and I am going to have a Gyro for the first time ever! I will let you know how that goes.
Growin',
Gabbi
Monday, August 31, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
Progress not perfection
Sometimes I do not make the best choices. And it hurts me.
Sometimes I say things that are cruel. And it hurts me.
Sometimes my faith is so weak and I feel afraid. And it hurts me.
Sometimes I wake up afraid for no reason. And it hurts me.
Sometimes I wake up in the moring so sick to my stomach with grief that I do not think I can carry on. And it hurts me.
And yet;
Everyday I wake up and get out of bed and move on with my life. And it feels good.
Everyday I ask for forgiveness and forgive myself for the bad choices and cruel words. And it feels good.
Everyday I try harder to be the person I am meant to be. And it feels good.
Everyday I pray to my God. And it feels good.
Everyday I try to be thankful for all the wonderful people and opportunities my life has to offer. And it feels good.
A Sometimes and an Everyday Person,
Gabbi
Sometimes I say things that are cruel. And it hurts me.
Sometimes my faith is so weak and I feel afraid. And it hurts me.
Sometimes I wake up afraid for no reason. And it hurts me.
Sometimes I wake up in the moring so sick to my stomach with grief that I do not think I can carry on. And it hurts me.
And yet;
Everyday I wake up and get out of bed and move on with my life. And it feels good.
Everyday I ask for forgiveness and forgive myself for the bad choices and cruel words. And it feels good.
Everyday I try harder to be the person I am meant to be. And it feels good.
Everyday I pray to my God. And it feels good.
Everyday I try to be thankful for all the wonderful people and opportunities my life has to offer. And it feels good.
A Sometimes and an Everyday Person,
Gabbi
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Things I have learned since being single
1. You have to shave either WAY more often or WAY less often. The pendulum swings hard both ways.
2. I really hate mowing the lawn.
3. I am happy to pay a friends son to mow the lawn, even when I am broke as hell.
4. Free meals taste better.
5. I go through so few groceries it is ridiculous.
6. Sometimes it sucks to not be able to just run to the store...alone.
7. Happiness is everywhere.
8. I am finding out who I am in unexpected ways.
9. Boundaries are important.
10. My mom can still make me feel shameful.
11. I am a big girl now and can tell her to knock it off. And I do! (Wow!)
12. I have to figure out how to date without turning into someone I am not.
13. In some areas my faith is really strong and in others not so much.
14. Prayer is so good.
15. If a guy only emails or texts you in the middle of the night, he either is seriously sleep deprived, works nights, or is more than likely married.
16. You probably shouldn't email that guy back.
17. Trusting my gut is super important.
18. Everyone has an "ex".
19. I don't really want to know about everyone's "ex".
20. If you are happy and you know it, clap your hands. clap clap
21. I like a man who smells good.
22. and not like Axe Deodorant spray, cuz no matter what those commercials say, that is a bunch of crap. I don't want a man who smells like my teenage nephews...grody.
23. Dental Hygiene is very important to me.
24. So, is it really tacky to chew an Altoid right before you think you are going to kiss someone, or is that to obvious??
25. I shouldn't drink more than 2 beers on any given date.
26. If I do drink more than 2 beers, I shouldn't wear high heels.
27. I get super uncomfortable while watching movies with sex scenes...picture me whistling and looking off into space. AVOID EYE CONTACT AT ALL COSTS!!
28. It is a lot easier to just be truthful about things. I have nothing to hide.
29. Self love is crucial.
30. I am a tough cookie.
31. I am a tough cookie who feels her feelings and cries when she wants to.
32. The de-briefing with girlfriends after the date is a lot of the times more fun than the actual date!
Getting smarter by the minute,
Gabbi
2. I really hate mowing the lawn.
3. I am happy to pay a friends son to mow the lawn, even when I am broke as hell.
4. Free meals taste better.
5. I go through so few groceries it is ridiculous.
6. Sometimes it sucks to not be able to just run to the store...alone.
7. Happiness is everywhere.
8. I am finding out who I am in unexpected ways.
9. Boundaries are important.
10. My mom can still make me feel shameful.
11. I am a big girl now and can tell her to knock it off. And I do! (Wow!)
12. I have to figure out how to date without turning into someone I am not.
13. In some areas my faith is really strong and in others not so much.
14. Prayer is so good.
15. If a guy only emails or texts you in the middle of the night, he either is seriously sleep deprived, works nights, or is more than likely married.
16. You probably shouldn't email that guy back.
17. Trusting my gut is super important.
18. Everyone has an "ex".
19. I don't really want to know about everyone's "ex".
20. If you are happy and you know it, clap your hands. clap clap
21. I like a man who smells good.
22. and not like Axe Deodorant spray, cuz no matter what those commercials say, that is a bunch of crap. I don't want a man who smells like my teenage nephews...grody.
23. Dental Hygiene is very important to me.
24. So, is it really tacky to chew an Altoid right before you think you are going to kiss someone, or is that to obvious??
25. I shouldn't drink more than 2 beers on any given date.
26. If I do drink more than 2 beers, I shouldn't wear high heels.
27. I get super uncomfortable while watching movies with sex scenes...picture me whistling and looking off into space. AVOID EYE CONTACT AT ALL COSTS!!
28. It is a lot easier to just be truthful about things. I have nothing to hide.
29. Self love is crucial.
30. I am a tough cookie.
31. I am a tough cookie who feels her feelings and cries when she wants to.
32. The de-briefing with girlfriends after the date is a lot of the times more fun than the actual date!
Getting smarter by the minute,
Gabbi
Friday, August 21, 2009
Cool beans
Trying to coax Sam out of bed yesterday morning, he flops over, tries to hide, then pops up and jumps around the bed, crawls/hops/clings to my back like a little monkey and says:
"MAMA! I am saving you from the monsters! It is my special assignment."
Thank God someone is saving me from the monsters.
Currently, they are legion and I am glad Sam has got my back.
Specially Assigned,
Gabbi
"MAMA! I am saving you from the monsters! It is my special assignment."
Thank God someone is saving me from the monsters.
Currently, they are legion and I am glad Sam has got my back.
Specially Assigned,
Gabbi
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Practice Dating
Okay, so last night was my first date since becoming a single woman.
Hmmmm
Let's just leave it at, I am moving on to the next victim.
Muwhahaha
Dating brings up a lot. Nervousness and excitement, and then oh crap, what am I getting myself into which moves into the real OH CRAP WHAT DID I GET MYSELF INTO!!!
It is tough because, as I like to point out, I bring a lot to the table. I have great kids that I can take care of on my own, a job I love, a good house, a car, I am mostly sane and I am freaking funny and cute. That is a whole lot for any man to be able to contend with. He needs to be all those things also and think I am sexy and great.
As I like to tell a good friend, the bar for men has been set low. My expectations aren't to high. But then, I have date and realize, oh crap, I do have high expectations and I am not willing to settle.
I am sure I will have many more tales to come since I am "Practice Dating".
Yes, this is a term I coined all on my own. I am Practice Dating until I find the right one. Until then I will leave a trail of broken hearts in my wake.
Ok, maybe not. Whatever.
I am brushing up on my "friendship hugs" and a soft slug in the arm followed by "Thanks, Buddy!". Also, the quick bob and weave to dodge a kiss. Also, I will have to brush up on getting sweaty handprints off of the knee of my pants.
Bringing home the bacon and cooking it up,
Gabbi
Hmmmm
Let's just leave it at, I am moving on to the next victim.
Muwhahaha
Dating brings up a lot. Nervousness and excitement, and then oh crap, what am I getting myself into which moves into the real OH CRAP WHAT DID I GET MYSELF INTO!!!
It is tough because, as I like to point out, I bring a lot to the table. I have great kids that I can take care of on my own, a job I love, a good house, a car, I am mostly sane and I am freaking funny and cute. That is a whole lot for any man to be able to contend with. He needs to be all those things also and think I am sexy and great.
As I like to tell a good friend, the bar for men has been set low. My expectations aren't to high. But then, I have date and realize, oh crap, I do have high expectations and I am not willing to settle.
I am sure I will have many more tales to come since I am "Practice Dating".
Yes, this is a term I coined all on my own. I am Practice Dating until I find the right one. Until then I will leave a trail of broken hearts in my wake.
Ok, maybe not. Whatever.
I am brushing up on my "friendship hugs" and a soft slug in the arm followed by "Thanks, Buddy!". Also, the quick bob and weave to dodge a kiss. Also, I will have to brush up on getting sweaty handprints off of the knee of my pants.
Bringing home the bacon and cooking it up,
Gabbi
Monday, August 17, 2009
So content
As of late, I have felt very content and hopeful for my life.
This weekend we went to a friends cabin and relaxed. I felt so peaceful and happy to let my kids just be themselves. Sometimes, when I go to a new place, I worry about how my kids will behave or if they will be annoying or whatever. I absolutely did not feel this way. It was so comfortable and relaxed, it was great. Hopefully, we can snag another invite ( :
My car battery died on Sunday. And it was funny, because I did not freak out. Not at all, I did not have any panic worrying how it was going to get taken care of. For a split second my heart lurched, and then I just sat and thought about who I should call and realized, WOW! I have major options. I might not be able to fix this myself, but I have resources and awesome people willing to help me out. Even if it is inconvenient or just a pain in the butt. Thank you Denai and Jim for taking care of me on Sunday.
This was the kind of situtation that I knew maybe a month or two ago would have sent me into tears and worry. But lately, my faith has felt so strong that I am ok and doing just fine and so far, that belief and knowing has been accurate.
Tonight, I have a date! Can you believe it??? I am really excited and a little bit nervous. He is a really sweet guy and I am excited to see how things go. Either way, it is a good reminder that I am still a young woman with a lot of options.
So, here is to being safe and secure and provided for!
Blessed and blessed and blessed,
Gabbi
This weekend we went to a friends cabin and relaxed. I felt so peaceful and happy to let my kids just be themselves. Sometimes, when I go to a new place, I worry about how my kids will behave or if they will be annoying or whatever. I absolutely did not feel this way. It was so comfortable and relaxed, it was great. Hopefully, we can snag another invite ( :
My car battery died on Sunday. And it was funny, because I did not freak out. Not at all, I did not have any panic worrying how it was going to get taken care of. For a split second my heart lurched, and then I just sat and thought about who I should call and realized, WOW! I have major options. I might not be able to fix this myself, but I have resources and awesome people willing to help me out. Even if it is inconvenient or just a pain in the butt. Thank you Denai and Jim for taking care of me on Sunday.
This was the kind of situtation that I knew maybe a month or two ago would have sent me into tears and worry. But lately, my faith has felt so strong that I am ok and doing just fine and so far, that belief and knowing has been accurate.
Tonight, I have a date! Can you believe it??? I am really excited and a little bit nervous. He is a really sweet guy and I am excited to see how things go. Either way, it is a good reminder that I am still a young woman with a lot of options.
So, here is to being safe and secure and provided for!
Blessed and blessed and blessed,
Gabbi
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Freaking Funny
While getting dressed the other day, little Sampson looks up at me with big blue eyes, points to my chest and says...
"Are those your booby traps?"
Me: "Some might say they are, Little Man, some might say..."
HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER!
Kids are so darn funny,
Gabbi
"Are those your booby traps?"
Me: "Some might say they are, Little Man, some might say..."
HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER!
Kids are so darn funny,
Gabbi
Monday, August 10, 2009
Feelin' good
Today, I woke up feeling content.
No burning chest feelings.
No wanting to crawl right back in bed and hide myself under the blankets.
Could I possibly, just MAYBE, a teensy tiny bit be enjoying my time as a single woman?
It could be true.
On the way to work, prayer was in order. I prayed my thankfulness for having enough money to pay my bills, buy groceries, gas to get to work, and even some left over to do some fun things. I prayed my gratitude for my sister Randi and the way she holds me up. I prayed for guidance on a decision I am trying to make, and I prayed for my heart to be accepting, even if the answer is no.
I prayed to remain peaceful and with God all day long.
I told Him about my weekend, the good parts, the not so good parts, and the parts where I missed my kids and then the awesomeness of seeing them again and hugging them so so tightly.
I especially prayed for Ted. When he dropped Sam off last night, I felt sad for him. He left so quickly, barely making any eye contact with Sam and almost running for the door. It must hurt him to say goodbye to Sam. I have accepted his leaving and his moving on. I do not believe he is happy and I am not sure that he will ever be. But, I am thankful to have had him in my life, and I am even thankful for the parts that make me sad. I will continue to pray for him, and hope he finds his way. Sometimes, I feel guilty that my life is still good. There is sadness, but, in the grand scheme of things, my life is still intact. I am still in my same comforting house, the kids are with me and I am starting to feel contentment.
Last night, Sam, Grace and I all crawled into bed and giggled and snuggled until we fell asleep. Ok, there was some arguing about who had whose covers, and why does Sam ALWAYS have to try to lay sideways?? Little diggy feet poking ribs and tummies. But mostly, just laughing. Ok, at 1:30 in the morning, Sam was up thrashing and I did get him up and put him in his own bed, where he belongs. But, it was good while it lasted and I am glad I got to be there for it.
Well rested,
Gabbi
No burning chest feelings.
No wanting to crawl right back in bed and hide myself under the blankets.
Could I possibly, just MAYBE, a teensy tiny bit be enjoying my time as a single woman?
It could be true.
On the way to work, prayer was in order. I prayed my thankfulness for having enough money to pay my bills, buy groceries, gas to get to work, and even some left over to do some fun things. I prayed my gratitude for my sister Randi and the way she holds me up. I prayed for guidance on a decision I am trying to make, and I prayed for my heart to be accepting, even if the answer is no.
I prayed to remain peaceful and with God all day long.
I told Him about my weekend, the good parts, the not so good parts, and the parts where I missed my kids and then the awesomeness of seeing them again and hugging them so so tightly.
I especially prayed for Ted. When he dropped Sam off last night, I felt sad for him. He left so quickly, barely making any eye contact with Sam and almost running for the door. It must hurt him to say goodbye to Sam. I have accepted his leaving and his moving on. I do not believe he is happy and I am not sure that he will ever be. But, I am thankful to have had him in my life, and I am even thankful for the parts that make me sad. I will continue to pray for him, and hope he finds his way. Sometimes, I feel guilty that my life is still good. There is sadness, but, in the grand scheme of things, my life is still intact. I am still in my same comforting house, the kids are with me and I am starting to feel contentment.
Last night, Sam, Grace and I all crawled into bed and giggled and snuggled until we fell asleep. Ok, there was some arguing about who had whose covers, and why does Sam ALWAYS have to try to lay sideways?? Little diggy feet poking ribs and tummies. But mostly, just laughing. Ok, at 1:30 in the morning, Sam was up thrashing and I did get him up and put him in his own bed, where he belongs. But, it was good while it lasted and I am glad I got to be there for it.
Well rested,
Gabbi
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Bittersweet
This is the first night I have spent without my kids. I went out, slept in without waking up to Sam telling me he took his diaper off and "You need to change me" and "I want milky more".
I miss it, I miss their little demands and needs and the sweet cuddles once they have been satisfied. I miss Sam's messy hair and morning still-kind-of-a-baby breath.
I miss hearing Grace tell me about her crazy and funny dreams, and her giggles while listening to Sam tell a nonsensical, rambling story.
I miss arguing with Grace about putting such a ridiculously huge amount of milk in her cereal when she never drinks it afterwards! Grrr
I miss Sam telling me to have some coffee and Grace sarcastically quipping "Yea, coffee, faster please!"
Guess I should have some coffee right now and enjoy my day.
Tonight: Chimney Fish! YAY!
Lonely for my babies but kind of enjoying the quiet,
Gabbi
P.S. I might have some amazing news in a few weeks, stay tuned, you just never know what is going to happen at my crazy house!
I miss it, I miss their little demands and needs and the sweet cuddles once they have been satisfied. I miss Sam's messy hair and morning still-kind-of-a-baby breath.
I miss hearing Grace tell me about her crazy and funny dreams, and her giggles while listening to Sam tell a nonsensical, rambling story.
I miss arguing with Grace about putting such a ridiculously huge amount of milk in her cereal when she never drinks it afterwards! Grrr
I miss Sam telling me to have some coffee and Grace sarcastically quipping "Yea, coffee, faster please!"
Guess I should have some coffee right now and enjoy my day.
Tonight: Chimney Fish! YAY!
Lonely for my babies but kind of enjoying the quiet,
Gabbi
P.S. I might have some amazing news in a few weeks, stay tuned, you just never know what is going to happen at my crazy house!
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Well HMPH!
This has been quite the week. I am so thankful tomorrow is Friday.
For the first time in at least 2 years I am going to have a weekend to myself....without kids! What the HECK?!?! That never happens.
It is a little bittersweet. I am excited for the time alone, but nervous for it also. What am I going to do with myself for three days and two nights???
Been crying a lot this week, feeling sad and blue. My uncle died on Sunday and today was the funeral. Seeing my family members in grief is really hard and brings up my own feelings of grief that I have been going through.
Since his death, I have thought a lot about my life (death will do that to you), and I have been realizing how much I have cheated myself by trying to fix things that are not mine to fix. As a result, I only hurt myself.
I see how my constant trying to make things better and just right for people who it will never be better or just right for, has damaged me. This is my illness.
I see how I have allowed and basically asked others to continue to hurt me in order to try to fulfill this need in myself to be "good enough".
Except "good enough" is never attainable, because I am seeking "good enough" status from others instead of from myself and God.
Just by being here, God says we are enough. We are his beautiful children. Hard to believe and accept when my whole life I have been fighting feelings of abandonment. Lately, these feelings have reared their ugliness into my life.
And then, I look around. Sam and Grace are looking straight at me with undeniable love, and I am not alone or abandoned, I look further and there are my mom and my sisters each minutes away ready to reach out to me. And not much further, are friends who constantly are there cheering me on ready to come and hold my hand or talk me off the ledge, take me dancing, eat Bubba's fried chicken with me, whatever I need. And I AM SO NOT ALONE! I have my meetings and the support of a great home group. And I AM SO NOT ALONE! I have my blog and the people who read it and offer encouragment and hope and I AM NOT ALONE!
No matter what happens, I am blessed and loved and I AM NOT ALONE!
So, this kid free weekend, I will be kicking up my heels a little, shakin' my tail feathers, laughing laughing laughing, and surrounding myself with those who love me the mostest.
So HMPH!
Gabbi
P.S. The best revenge is to live well. And I seriously live well. So HMPH!
For the first time in at least 2 years I am going to have a weekend to myself....without kids! What the HECK?!?! That never happens.
It is a little bittersweet. I am excited for the time alone, but nervous for it also. What am I going to do with myself for three days and two nights???
Been crying a lot this week, feeling sad and blue. My uncle died on Sunday and today was the funeral. Seeing my family members in grief is really hard and brings up my own feelings of grief that I have been going through.
Since his death, I have thought a lot about my life (death will do that to you), and I have been realizing how much I have cheated myself by trying to fix things that are not mine to fix. As a result, I only hurt myself.
I see how my constant trying to make things better and just right for people who it will never be better or just right for, has damaged me. This is my illness.
I see how I have allowed and basically asked others to continue to hurt me in order to try to fulfill this need in myself to be "good enough".
Except "good enough" is never attainable, because I am seeking "good enough" status from others instead of from myself and God.
Just by being here, God says we are enough. We are his beautiful children. Hard to believe and accept when my whole life I have been fighting feelings of abandonment. Lately, these feelings have reared their ugliness into my life.
And then, I look around. Sam and Grace are looking straight at me with undeniable love, and I am not alone or abandoned, I look further and there are my mom and my sisters each minutes away ready to reach out to me. And not much further, are friends who constantly are there cheering me on ready to come and hold my hand or talk me off the ledge, take me dancing, eat Bubba's fried chicken with me, whatever I need. And I AM SO NOT ALONE! I have my meetings and the support of a great home group. And I AM SO NOT ALONE! I have my blog and the people who read it and offer encouragment and hope and I AM NOT ALONE!
No matter what happens, I am blessed and loved and I AM NOT ALONE!
So, this kid free weekend, I will be kicking up my heels a little, shakin' my tail feathers, laughing laughing laughing, and surrounding myself with those who love me the mostest.
So HMPH!
Gabbi
P.S. The best revenge is to live well. And I seriously live well. So HMPH!
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