I am INSANE, but I know I am not alone

So, I have my first whole weekend with a new beau.

At his house.

I am freaking out!

Want to know why?

Because we all know, at some point, I am going to have to POOP!

Oh my God. I have no idea if I am ready for the whole "Pooping" thing. I mean, with my kids at my house, who cares. Poop is a constant topic. Did you poop? Are you pooping? Do you have to poop?

But with a new man, there is no poop talk. I have been on a bajillion dates, you would think I would have this whole pooping while in a relationship thing down. But I totally don't.

These are some possible solutions that I have come up with:

Hold it. All weekend. Pray my tummy does not explode.

He lives in the country, maybe I could pretend to go for a walk and poop in the woods. Of course, it is cold and he lives on a hill and could probably see me from some window...that would be even more awkward than just pooping in the bathroom, like a NORMAL HUMAN BEING.

I could pretend to need to go to the store and poop there.

That's it, that's all I got.

And not one of those ideas is even remotely within reason. Well, maybe the pooping at the store...that has some possibility. Did I mention he lives 20 minutes from any kind of a store???

Guess I am just going to have to take my friend Cliff's advice:

"Well, you could go camo. Take a shower and squeeze it out while the shower is getting hot."

I love the man perspective.

I totally blame my mom for this. She never farted in front of us as kids.

EVER.

So now, I am stuck between childish obsession (how I act with my children) and totally repressed. I have no idea how to handle a normal natural bodily function in front of a man I care for. THANKS MOM! Bet she never thought her lack of farting in front of me would be the cause of my need for therapy.

Tummy ache,

Gabbi